If you have ever been in a relationship with a narcissistic person or a sociopath, you would understand what this article is all about. Anyone who has a run-in with a narcissistic person never comes out the same. Being with people like that has a way of warping the mind of even the most emotionally stable person. Narcissistic people, in particular, are very good at covert abuse. Most of them don’t see the need to physically abuse their victims, but when it comes to emotional and mental abuse, they are at the top. They make use of different techniques meant to break down the mind of their victims and leave them susceptible to further abuse.
One of these strategies is gaslighting. Narcissists use gaslighting as a form of emotional abuse that makes its victim feel as if they are literally going insane. Another strategy is blowing hot and cold. They are extremely good at doing this. A narcissist would never let you walk away from them; It’s just not possible. So, whenever they feel as if you might be planning to leave them, they react by becoming the most solicitous of lovers and partners. They will treat you like a queen and take good care of you. They fool you into believing that they have changed, and once they do, it’s as if a switch has been turned off, and they revert back to their old selves.
Narcissistic people are good at keeping their victims unbalanced emotionally and mentally and they don’t have to work for it. Just the shock of realizing that you are in a relationship with two people in one body is enough to keep you unbalanced for life. Narcissists are fanatical about maintaining a particular public image which always portrays them as kind, generous, loving people. Unfortunately though, once they are home they revert back to their true nature, which is an overbearing, self-centered partner who only likes to talk about himself and his goals while taking joy in belittling yours. The extra sensitive to criticism partner who would never accept the blame for things he has done has now come back again for good.
This article is for all the people who have had the great misfortune of being in a relationship with a narcissist or sociopath, and who has been made to feel like they were the crazy one. You are a strong person to have survived, and this is known from personal experience. One should try to never repeat this type of relationship, nor should they wish it on their worst enemy.
It can be very painful when the person who says that they love you begins to accuse you of being crazy and even going as far as quoting passages from psychological books to convince you that you are truly crazy. What is worse is that you can clearly see that what you are being labeled or accused of is exactly the same things they do that you have complained about. You are just left feeling confused and uncertain about your mental state, and that is a pretty horrifying form of abuse.
It might not be surprising to you that the narcissist and the sociopath do share a couple of personality traits. Both of them are at the top of the list of most dangerous mental disorders in the world. In Psychology Today, Dr. Tracy Stein gave a list of the personality traits that each of them exhibits.
PERSONALITY TRAITS OF THE NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER (NPD)
The narcissistic personality disorder is a type of mental disorder that has the following symptoms.
1. People who suffer from the Narcissistic personality disorder develop an overblown sense of self by magnifying whatever successes they have. They also expect it to be treated with respect and preference because they are superior to other people even if they cannot back their superiority.
2. They are obsessed with thoughts of being the very best at everything from intelligence, achievements, physical perfection and power. In short, they are obsessed with perfection.
3. They love to associate themselves with a select few who are the best at what they do or who they feel might be at their level or a bit higher than them.
4. They love to be complimented and admired.
5. They feel that everyone should treat them special because they deserve it.
6. One of their biggest personality traits is that they are very manipulative to the people they have personal relationships with.
7. Their total lack of empathy.
8. Their sense of entitlement leads them to believe that other people want to be like them or makes them want to have what someone else has.
9. They always act superior to others because they feel that many people are inferior to them.
PERSONALITY TRAITS OF THE SOCIOPATH
Sociopaths have the following symptoms.
1.They continuously break societal rules over and over again resulting in them being arrested.
2. They are very good at deceiving people.
3. They act without thinking things through and considering the consequences of their actions.
4. They are very good at public physical altercations and assault stemming from them being easily angered and irritated.
5. They don’t care for other people’s well being.
6. They are forever going to be irresponsible and it shows in their inability to hold down a job or being there for their family
7. They don’t feel bad even after they can see that they must have hurt you very much.
It was only after going through this personality traits list that I could see the patterns in my own previous relationships. If the same holds true for you, no matter the nature of that relationship, be it parent to child or friend or lover, you are in a toxic relationship and the sooner you recognize it, the better for you. These two personalities are very good at laying the blame of the issues in the relationship at other peoples doorsteps.
When I left my last toxic relationship with a narcissist, I was messed up and had to go through a lot of therapy. It was there where I finally learned that all the blame that I have been carrying should not have been mine to carry. It was not my fault and it never was that things went wrong. All this time, I had been feeling like a damaged person, and I should never have because I’m not the damaged one, they are. They were so broken that they needed to hurt someone else to make themselves feel better. And when I finally realized that, it was easier for me to heal when I wasn’t carrying the load of guilt and blame.
There are two reasons why narcissistic people and sociopaths try to get their victims to accept that they are the crazy ones in the relationship. Here are the reasons.
1. THEY JUST CANNOT ACCEPT THE FACT THAT A PROBLEM AROSE BECAUSE OF AN ACTION THEY TOOK OR DIDN’T TAKE.
Sociopaths and Narcissistic people are obsessed with being superior to others, and because of this, they feel that they can’t do anything wrong. No matter how many times you complain about the things they do that you don’t like, they just don’t listen. They keep it up and it can get old really quick. They are very adept at manipulating other people’s feelings, and somehow, they always find a way to make you feel guilty for what they have done. More than that, it’s their obsession to always win and because of this, everything is a competition for them, and one that they must win.
They hate criticism and no matter what evidence you show to them to back up the fact that they have a mental disorder, they won’t pay attention to you or they somehow turn the symptoms to you making it seem as if you are the narcissistic one in your relationship. They are very good at breaking out the big guns like psychology textbooks, write-ups, and videos to convince you of the fact that you are the one with the problem.
2. THEY WON’T JUST MAKE YOU FEEL BLAME, THEY WILL MAKE SURE THAT EVERYONE THINKS THAT YOU ARE TO BLAME
The public image of a narcissist is one of kindness and generosity. A really good upstanding person who everyone loves to associate themselves with. They have very good conversational skills which does make people like them and be willing to believe them. They are very good at projecting their own feelings of inferiority and inadequacy on their partners, making them feel like they are the ones with the issues when it is the other way round. They wouldn’t just project on you, they would also convince everyone that you are related to or close to that you are the crazy one and before you know it, they would begin to empathize with him and see you as the villain.
Sadly, any attempt made by you to prove them wrong would only make you seem like the very thing that you are trying to disprove. Your best bet is just to walk away from that relationship.